Why I do not Spank my Kids

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The most sociopathic, narcissistic, controlling, and insecure people I ever met in my life were spanked, yet I hear the argument coming from people with good intentions repeating that that spanking is the reason for our messed up society.   According to the Academy of Pediatrics, Guidance For Effective Discipline, 80% of criminals grew up in a violent household.

I do not ever remember being hit as a child.  My mother slapped me one time when I was 14 years old.  Now, I am not going to claim that I turned out just fine.  I am not going to pretend I did all the right things and I made the best decisions.  What I can say is I have never been in a physical altercation.  I do not hit anyone out of anger.  I have never had a child cower down before me afraid of what I am going to do next.  I have witnessed that, and nothing is worse than a broken human being.

Society is messed up.  It has been messed up.  I wonder if the people who blame parents who do not spank actually take time to really look at our society, and the shifts in our roles in our homes and elsewhere.  The most important thing when crime was lower was family.  Families stuck together.  They raised their children, the communities were involved.  Now, that is not the case.  Parents are absent, the ones who are present are often stressed and tired.  The kids are looking for attention.  If your child acts out, they will get that attention.  How you deal at that moment, as a parent’ forms your child.  This forms their self esteem.  This is a moment you cannot get back, and when you choose to deal with it in an angry and violent manner, you cannot ever change that reaction.  No one looks back in their old age and thinks I should have hit my kid more.

Your children actually do not belong to you.  They are not your property.  They are individuals who will make individual decisions.  We look down on societies who treat women the very way we treat kids.  We are here to empower and equip our children as we best know how so they can become functional and productive members of society.  Hitting is not the way our society should function.  Every day, this world more violent.  Every day, you hear a story of horrific crimes.  Our society is breaking down.  Not spanking our kids is not what is contributing to that breakdown.

What if we actually started to respect children and their feelings?  What if we sat down with them like we would any other human being, in a dignified manner, in a non-controlling way, and told them which parts of their behavior needed to be modified in order for things to be easier on them?  What if we allowed them to say the same of us?  What if parenting actually became about what was best for the kids, not the parents? Maybe if we saw children as actual people, they could change an otherwise bleak future we are facing.  Maybe positive parenting is the key to a stable future in a world where too little time is spent between parent and child.  I know it sure couldn’t hurt anything to try.

I know many people ask, how do I discipline my kids?  Well, I do not know.  I agree time out does not work.  I even agree grounding is not very practical.  I also know I do not have to discipline my kids, nor can I think of one thing they ever did that warranted me hitting them as a punishment.  I tell them what I expect of them.  They always do it.  When I have an issue, we discuss it.  They know they can come to me, and they do come to me, but I cannot remember the last time anyone actually needed to be punished.  There is no sibling rivalry in my home.  There hasn’t been between Matt and Sam for most of their lives.  Matt and Lizzie used to fight a lot, but that was around two years ago.  There are no arguments between my children.  My kids take turns on their own.  I never have to intervene.  They say please and thank you, yes ma’am and no ma’am.  What I can guarantee you is I do the same to them.  It is reciprocity.  It may just be that my speeches on why I am disappointed really bore the crap out of my kids.  I am not sure.  What I am sure of is that it works.  It isn’t perfect and neither is my family, but it works, and I never have to raise my hand.

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