I admit it. I love to sleep. I go through cycles. Sometimes, it seems I never sleep at all. Others, it seems to be all I ever do. The truth is, I love sleep. I love escaping. I love the short stories I come up with inside of my mind that pull me out of the ritualistic existence that has become my life.
A lot of people say they never dream. I wonder what that would be like. I think about blank pages of books, unwritten stories, quiet imaginings of nothingness, and it seems like a blissful, peaceful sleep. Sometimes, I wish that was me. Sometimes, I wish I could not escape my realities with false ones I create within my own mind’s eye.
I always ask people how they fall asleep. This is often a very big problem I have, regardless of the level of addiction I find myself in regarding unconsciousness. An answer I get a lot that I do not understand is, “I just close my eyes and fall asleep.” Seriously?
Whenever I was a very young child, I came up with a pattern I have kept throughout my entire life. I play out a scenario in my mind, and the dream evolves from that scenario. Usually this works, and usually my dreams are very vivid and clear. I can usually recall them for a while after I awaken. The issue is this method takes an eternity to actually fall asleep. Sometimes I stray from the story line and I have to pull myself back in, and pretty often, I do that startled jump when I realize I am actually falling asleep and no longer making up the story.
While all of this is happening and I am not using my creative outlets as much, I think I am really just in need of creating something, so I get addicted to dreaming. I wish I had deep sleep, the kind where you woke up unaware of exactly how and where you escaped. I wish I had the ability to just go blank in my mind for a few hours and remember nothing. I do not have that luxury. I just have dreams. And, I think it is time to find a more productive escape.