Confessions of a Sleep Addict

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I admit it.  I love to sleep.  I go through cycles.  Sometimes, it seems I never sleep at all.  Others, it seems to be all I ever do.  The truth is, I love sleep.  I love escaping.  I love the short stories I come up with inside of my mind that pull me out of the ritualistic existence that has become my life.

A lot of people say they never dream.  I wonder what that would be like.  I think about blank pages of books, unwritten stories, quiet imaginings of nothingness, and it seems like a blissful, peaceful sleep.  Sometimes, I wish that was me.  Sometimes, I wish I could not escape my realities with false ones I create within my own mind’s eye.

I always ask people how they fall asleep.  This is often a very big problem I have, regardless of the level of addiction I find myself in regarding unconsciousness.  An answer I get a lot that I do not understand is, “I just close my eyes and fall asleep.”  Seriously?

Whenever I was a very young child, I came up with a pattern I have kept throughout my entire life.  I play out a scenario in my mind, and the dream evolves from that scenario.  Usually this works, and usually my dreams are very vivid and clear.  I can usually recall them for a while after I awaken.  The issue is this method takes an eternity to actually fall asleep.  Sometimes I stray from the story line and I have to pull myself back in, and pretty often, I do that startled jump when I realize I am actually falling asleep and no longer making up the story.

While all of this is happening and I am not using my creative outlets as much, I think I am really just in need of creating something, so I get addicted to dreaming.  I wish I had deep sleep, the kind where you woke up unaware of exactly how and where you escaped. I wish I had the ability to just go blank in my mind for a few hours and remember nothing.  I do not have that luxury.  I just have dreams.  And, I think it is time to find a more productive escape.