The Cluster Headache

  
I grabbed my sunglasses and I headed out the door. My mom was behind me, although I’m not really sure what she could have done had I fallen backwards. The light was still blinding and the pain had eased up for the moment, and I got in the car.I
felt the pain hit again as we made
our way towards the hospital.  My left eye was swollen and my nose running on that side again.  When the pain hits, if I had the means to alleviate it, I would.  This is the suicide headache.When I got to the desk to sign in, I could no longer see straight.  I was handed a paper to fill out and the man at the desk had to read it to me.  He gave me a box of tissues and by the end of him signing me in, my vision was as clear as it is with my glasses on.  I’m very nearsighted.  I commented on my sudden ability to see again, and he commented on how weird these headaches are.  Taking my seat, I wait for triage.

I hate when people make me feel bad about having pain.  Please don’t refer to someone’s headache as a little cluster headache.  If I’m shaking all over and my blood pressure is elevated by pain, believe me that it is pain.  I don’t remember much after this until I sat back down in the waiting area where I waited over an hour smelling the astringents of the cleaning lady’s bucket.  Not a good smell while in a cluster.

When I got to the room, I immediately got an I.V.  By this time I was hit again, and I was crying, holding and clawing my head.  The doctor came rather quickly, and had reviewed my charts.  I had had a ct scan in April for the same headaches, so he asked my opinion on what works.  My answer is Benadryl and reglan.  He says sure, and adds tramadol.  They get that going soon, and oxygen, and I woke up snoring.  The headache was gone.

I always know better than to celebrate prematurely.  I know what they have taken from me.  I have lost my last three jobs.  I have lost relationships.  I have lost friends and spent days in bed.  It is not just a little cluster headache.  It is a monster that causes people to take their lives.  It causes you to bang your head on cement or tile or anything cold and hard for relief.  It takes away your freedom.  Little is an insult to what I feel.

I was sent home after being asked if I would like fioraset or Tylenol 3.  Anyone who knows me knows my answer that I would love to say is codeine.  The answer I said is fioraset.  I got that and hydroxy some things.  I am hoping to last through this cycle with plenty of relief.  

So, my mom is here with the kids and myself and I am hoping not to rebound tomorrow.  We will see.