DON’T SAY THAT

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As parents, we have a lot of struggles.  There are so many struggles. It is a never-ending quest to do the exact right thing, and to play it off somehow when you haven’t.  You always want to feel like you have made the right decision, and if you are me, you always second guess it.

As a special needs parent, that has become amplified for me.  Every decision through every day seems much bigger than it actually is.  Sometimes, I like to vent.  When I vent, I sometimes do it just to have someone listen.  Sometimes I do not want a reply.  The issue isn’t always just that I get a reply, the issue is the type of reply I get.

4 Lizzie

 

One of these replies is, “I am glad it is you and not me.”  I am not sure these types of people really want to say anything at all to you other than, “I do not care.”  Wouldn’t it be easier to say, “I am busy,” or, “I cannot talk right now”?  It is such a rude thing to say to an already tired parent who is probably in a world of self-doubt anyway.

Another reply I hate is, “Girl, I don’t know how you do it.”  This one is so defeating, so weighted, so negative, I hate this reply.  I am sitting here wondering the same thing.  You just reinforced all of my doubts.  Basically, you just told me you would give up and implied I should, too.

3Matt

There are many more, “Don’t say that,” phrases I could least, but I think I found the two that I find to be harshest replies I could find.

As parents, we should offer support to one another.  As friends, that should really just be a part of the deal.  There is enough self-doubt in any parent and reinforcing that instead of offering support really is damaging to a relationship between friends.  We should lift each other up.

2Sam

That being said, I know I am focusing on the negative.  I should think about making a blog with two things I really love hearing next time.

I think that sounds like a plan.