Anyone who has been in a relationship with, or married to, a narcissist knows the process just to feel like a human being again takes a lot of time.
The biggest mistake I ever made was not that I was with someone, but who I was with.
I have always been a codependent. It is a coping mechanism I learned at a very young age to deal with narcissists, and at 38, I still did not even know what I was doing was not normal. There are terrible people in the world. Changing yourself does not change them.
It is amazing how little time with one person can be so damaging. It is amazing how some of us give people the power to tear us down until there is no longer anything left. It is amazing our capacity for not only forgiveness, but our willingness to be forgiving of someone who continually abuses that and now has even that control over you.
At the end of all of this mess, when I walked away with less than I came into this in every sense of the word, I decided I needed help and I drove myself to counseling to get that help. I left an awful relationship and turned 40 living with my mother. If you never had to do this, be grateful. If you have family members willing to help you recover from narcissistic abuse, and it is abuse, be grateful for that, too.
Anyway, I have been here fixing myself. It has not been an easy thing to do. My self esteem was gone. I had begun to believe everything bad I was told about myself. I no longer smiled or laughed. I no longer knew how to have fun.
The only way to learn is to let go.
That being said, I am going to be back where I was before this disaster in so many ways. Everything I was told I can never do I will be doing. Everything I lost, I will regain.
We just move on.
Life is funny like that.
These are a few pictures of where we are moving. I am not sure we will continue homeschooling, but we will continue Sam’s Voice and we will continue the blog and the YouTube.
Remember, only be with people you would be proud of your children if they ended up being like them. Only be with people you would want your children to fall in love with.
Otherwise, it is pointless. Love really does not hurt. As many times as this is said, it really is true. If it hurts, it is not love. All of the cliches are true. My life is better every day that I become more aware of this. My family is happy again.
We just had to move on.